The Loss of a Loved One

Forty-one days after her 90th birthday, my Mother left this world. We had shared a home for the last twelve years of her life. In the eight months prior to her passing, it became obvious to both of us that the end was growing closer. Being self-employed, I put my business on hold for those last months of her life, convinced that my most important priority was spending time with Mom. But, I was absolutely convinced that once she had passed, I would hit the ground running; that my business would take off like crazy. I could not have been more wrong!

Over the next six months, I literally sat on my patio contemplating where I fit in the world. My focus was gone; my reason for getting out of bed every day was no longer there.

Having written books and given lectures on elder care. I talk about the loss of a loved one and how it hits each of us in different ways. I mistakenly thought because Mom and I had eight months to say goodbye, that I just knew what my life would be like “after.” I didn’t cry a lot and I didn’t sit in her room and grieve. I just had no sense of purpose. Now I can truly appreciate what others have gone through and why no one can anticipate how they will react after the loss of a loved one.

Each of us experiences this loss in a very personal way, and no one can honestly say they know how you feel – they haven’t walked in your shoes. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to do nothing. It’s okay to keep so busy you can’t think. It’s okay to do whatever you need to do to adjust to that loss. But at some point, you will say “enough is enough” and get on with your life. Life will never be the same, because that loved one is no longer physically with you. But in your heart, that loved one never leaves. Once you come to terms with that, you can go on.

There is no way I can offer solutions or advice on how you should get through this period in your life. I can only tell you what I experienced – how I was able to accept what I could not change, and get on with living. I found that by welcoming her spirit into my world, I was very much at peace. She has never really left me. I feel her presence in so many ways, and am open to receiving whatever messages she may have for me.

It has been over a year now since my Mom began the next phase of her journey. I am at peace with this, and am actively working on my business once again. I use her story to make points in my writing and my talks. I can better relate to people who have experienced a similar loss, and attempt to ease the anxiety of those anticipating loss.

If I can offer any words of wisdom, they are – just do what feels right at the moment. If you don’t feel like talking with anyone, don’t answer the phone. If you don’t want to see anyone, don’t answer the door. If you need to be around others, invite several friends to lunch. Pet a cat, go for a walk or read a book. When the time is right, you will find your footing and the will to go forward. Nourish your body and your spirit, and you will survive and thrive.